60. poorly timed confession, prompt meme (hit me up for vaanmaj or balvaan prompts!)
It has been three months since the night of the Fete, and three months is enough to estrange Vaan from Tomaj’s realm – a realm inhabited by so few others that without him, Tomaj feels the ache down to his bones. It is a cavity, rotting and vibrant and it spreads in the dark of night, when the last of the oldest war orphans thinks of a life alone.
It had all happened too fast, then; Vaan’s thief-eyes alight with mischief, of claims of Royal Treasure. Then Prison. Then, Penelo had been thrown into the fray – kidnapped by bounty hunters of sky pirates (when did they even get into the picture, anyway? Was anyone ever going to fill him in?). All the while, Tomaj could only watch, feet anchored in quicksand that sunk him deeper into his duty, deeper into Rabanastre, while Vaan took off like a spiral to the sun.
He’d visit, every now and again. But never alone.
It was either with Penelo, or in the company of strangers Vaan never had the time to introduce him to. And then he was off again, coming back intermittently, either battle-scared or reeking of mist and crystals, the slight of his shoulders broader from days of wielding blades Tomaj cannot even pronounce the name of.
It is when Vaan nearly becomes a stranger that Tomaj says it,
“I miss you, and I wish you’d come back.”
It’s during a moment when he finally has Vaan alone. Finally – for the first time in three months, Vaan is his and his alone, meandering around the Sandsea plucking out Galbana lillies to put in his hair. He’s drunk. More drunk than Tomaj has seen him before, and restless, too–like he’s been trying to figure out a way to say something to him for the better part of 3 hours–and at the words, Vaan halts. He’s halfway across the tavern, and he stares at Tomaj like he’s only just realized he’s there.
The silence is thick and awkward.
When Vaan says nothing in response, Tomaj continues with a bit of a stammer. “I’ve barely seen you in the past few months, is all. And–whenever you’re here, you never stick around long. I can’t even get you alone for five minutes to figure out what you’ve even been doing. The most I’ve gotten out of you is a long-winded drink order for you and your- –friends,” or whatever they are, and Tomaj can’t keep the strange bitterness out of his voice. “Migelo doesn’t even know, and Dalan- -Dalan won’t tell me, either.”
He hits the bar, weakly, in a defeat weighed by the past quarter-year spent alone in the dark.
When Tomaj peers up to chance a look at Vaan, he nearly stumbles back when he finds the thief up against the bar, less than an arm’s reach of him.
When did he get so quick?
But if Vaan’s heard a word of what he’s said, he doesn’t acknowledge it. Merely, he leans over the bar, to brush his lips against Tomaj’s ear, and whispers,
“You need to leave.”
Tomaj blinks at him. Vaan’s eyes are glazed over, but he doesn’t sway; far enough into his cups though he is (since when could he hold his liquor so well? he drinks like a pirate now). “What?” he asks, brows knitting.
“The Bahamut is on its way from Archades,” Vaan says, voice as low and quiet. “We’re gonna try and stop it. But you need to leave. Tell Migelo too–and the kids.”
The satchel of gil plops onto the bar between them, and Vaan nudges it towards him. “Take this, get chocobos, and go south, to the Garif. Tell them I sent you. They’ll find shelter for you there.”
“What?” Tomaj says again, incredulous. He’s never seen Vaan like this, never heard Vaan like this. The weight of his voice alarms him. “Vaan, what’re you–”
“Just do it. Please, Tomaj, just–” And when Vaan grabs the tail-end of his scarf to pull him in for a kiss that tastes like gin, Tomaj cannot remember how to think. It’s warm and it’s quick and it’s bruising, and there’s a strange tinge of desperateness in the press of Vaan’s soft mouth, so hard that Tomaj can feel his teeth behind his lips from it.
It’s like both everything and nothing Tomaj ever envisioned. When they part, Tomaj’s jaw hangs open and Vaan’s eyes are harder than he’s ever seen them before. “Just do it. Just tell me you’ll do it.”
Tomaj remembers, eventually, how to speak, and when he does all he says is a weak, “Okay.”
And then Vaan leaves, and Tomaj doesn’t see him again until the air reeks of death, and the Dalmascan sky bleeds black and red.
Final fantasy XII &co 